Frank King Is Not John Edwards

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Whether he's making a surprise appearance, waving, and walking your convention floor with his "Secret Service" detail, or...

Actually meeting, greeting, and taking photos with your convention attendees, or...

Doing his comedy keynote (which can be customized to your group, industry, or association) as John Edwards
  or...  doing all three...

He'll be the talk of your event!

President Bush laid out the next four years today, saying they will be ones of peace, prosperity and renewed enthusiasm. Apparently, he's voting for Kerry, too.

A Bush TV ad accuses John Kerry of "missing key Senate votes" while campaigning. Hey, that's not near as bad as George Bush missing two wars, while vacationing.

George Bush says that if unelected, activist judges continue to insist on redefining the meaning of marriage, then the only way to protect the sanctity of marriage is, a constitutional amendment. Big talk from a guy who wouldn't have a job, other than "rancher," if not for a bunch of unelected, activist justices who insisted on redefining the meaning of election.

In a Republican attempt at humor, campaign workers in Florida printed up posters suggesting: "Flush the Johns." Well, If the Bush administration tried that, it would undoubtedly be in toilets, purchased on a no-bid contract, from Haliburton.

George Bush, in a recent campaign appearance said that "John Edwards doesn't have enough foreign policy experience to take over the presidency," at which point, Dick Cheney, standing next to Bush, muttered under his breath, "neither do you."

The Bush administration is floating an idea to post-pone this year's presidential election, should terrorists attack the U.S.! If there is an attack, they're suggesting we hold off on the election for, oh, around four years.

In an interview with Time magazine, Kerry's VP choice, John Edwards, admits he drinks way too much Diet Coke. He says on most days, he drinks four cans of the stuff before noon! This explains why, instead of challenging Cheney to a debate, he wants to do a belch off!

Over the weekend, the White House hosted a t-ball game for kids. It's something President Bush said he did back in Texas when he was governor. Unfortunately, all of the records of him doing it had been destroyed.

The Bush administration is proposing to junk a Clinton era measure, thereby exposing nearly 60 million acres of national forests to logging and other developments. The idea hatched when President Bush asked Agriculture Secretary Ann Veneman, "If a federally protected tree falls in an empty national forest, does it make a sound?" Sec. Veneman replied, "Mr. President, if YOU didn't hear anything, I didn't hear anything."

The National Institute of Health, the American Heart Association and the American College of Cardiology have joined forces to "escalate" the war on cholesterol. Taking a page from George Bush's foreign policy, the 3 organizations have ordered pre-emptive strikes on the International House of Pancakes.

The latest Supreme Court Presidential Poll shows George Bush still clinging on to that slim "5-4" lead. The poll has a plus or minus error ratio of�.heck�who am I kidding, it's ALWAYS going to be 5-4 for Bush.


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